Effort

I really don’t want to write right now. I’m forcing myself in all honesty. I have to try and get in the habit of this, as the thought of writing a book is still too intimidating. Hopefully blogging can just miraculously turn into a book someday... although in order for my random clusters of words to actually make sense to someone, they will need some HEAVY editing. So maybe I should just start from scratch. I don’t know. I still don’t know what to write or where to start really... Do I begin with Natalie? Do I begin with my Journey? Do I begin with France? Maybe my ‘finding God’ moment... See, this is exactly why I haven’t started. I don’t get anywhere. All I get is a bunch of fucking questions and random thoughts that lead nowhere. Alright Joseph... breathe. So it’s definitely a bit of a spiritual battle when I write as well. There’s no way that every time I sit down it’s just a coincidence that I can’t think straight and feel totally defeated before I start. This is one of the areas where renewing my mind with the word and resisting the lies that satan is trying to interject will come in very helpful.

I know I’m supposed to write. God has spoke this to me through many people. My story needs to be told. For who exactly? I don’t really know. Maybe my children someday so that they can truly know their father... maybe just for random people that i become friends with so that I don’t have to spend endless hours telling them my story. Cause that’s the thing... it’s like a domino effect. If people want any depth with me, one question will enevitably lead to 50 more questions and four hours later. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t like telling my story, but it honestly wears me out unless it’s broken down into digestible bite sized amounts. That’s it! Maybe I should just start with perfecting one digestible bite sized amount at a time... then tie them all together in a wild and colorful soiree of MADNESS. I’m brilliant. Then write I shall... after a word from our sponsors... which happen to be Coca-cola and Marlboro.