Friday, January 29, 2010
Short
This will be short, as I’m very tired and my back needs rest after cleaning the bathroom and folding two loads of laundry. Franke is in the shop getting her fuel lines and gas tank done. I’m hoping and praying this is the only reason for the poor gas milage. In two months I will be doing my final preparations for my travels. I’m excited but still a little scared. Oh well. I think I will be scared up until and even during parts of this journey. I am enjoying my transition from journaling via pen to typing. I feel I can get more out this way, and I’m excited to be able to post directly to my blog so that people can follow. I got my inverter so I can now charge my macbook and other devices simply by plugging into my cigarette lighter. YAY. I’ve thought about Natalie a few times in the last week. Maybe I’ll make a stop in Eugene to see if she would like to have coffee. Alright... I’m out.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Internal junk
I feel like I got hit by a freight train. My glands are swollen and my throat is getting soar. Shit. I really didn’t want to get sick right now. Other than this, my day has been a good one. I had coffee with mom this morning, and it was good to talk about the depths beneath the surface... and interior decorating. :) I always realize and vocalize things when we talk deep that I don’t know how to put to words in other scenarios.
I believe accumulating a lot more ‘stuff’ in the external, also is a manifestation of ‘stuff’ we accumulate in the internal. It’s quite profound to me that just like posessions, we accumulate internal and emotional baggage as the years go on. What do we do when we finally get sick of all the junk in boxes we don’t use? We GET RID OF IT. But it’s a whole different deck of cards when it comes to internal baggage. No one gave us a handbook on how to deal with emotional junk we don’t want anymore. Even the bible and religious leaders say ‘lay it at the cross’ or ‘give it to God,’ but what does that mean?? The bible does talk a lot about forgiveness, and I believe that to be a huge part of it, but it’s much more complicated than that. It’s a continual process of wanting to sift through the garbage time and time again, some things taking years to get rid of. Who want’s to do that? Not many, let me tell you. That sound’s to most (myself included) about as fun as pulling out hairs one by one. Then there’s the open wounds inside that are still bleeding and still hurt whenever someone gets close to them. How are we supposed to deal with those? Most professional counselors don’t even know. Theofostic has done a great deal for me, but I’m a pretty simple case considering my fairly ‘normal’ upbringing. How do people with abuse/rape deep scarring even go there? To many of these people what happened to them is completely normal behavior, so they choose to repeat it, and the others are so closed off that even the thought of facing into that darkness makes them want to crawl even more inside their shell. This is becoming the norm as ramifications of the sinful nature that we live in, but the church is doing nothing about it. Counseling in most christian facilities is a joke, and the counselors are held to so much ‘political correctness’ that little effectiveness can actually be done. This annoys me and I wish I had the answer.
I believe accumulating a lot more ‘stuff’ in the external, also is a manifestation of ‘stuff’ we accumulate in the internal. It’s quite profound to me that just like posessions, we accumulate internal and emotional baggage as the years go on. What do we do when we finally get sick of all the junk in boxes we don’t use? We GET RID OF IT. But it’s a whole different deck of cards when it comes to internal baggage. No one gave us a handbook on how to deal with emotional junk we don’t want anymore. Even the bible and religious leaders say ‘lay it at the cross’ or ‘give it to God,’ but what does that mean?? The bible does talk a lot about forgiveness, and I believe that to be a huge part of it, but it’s much more complicated than that. It’s a continual process of wanting to sift through the garbage time and time again, some things taking years to get rid of. Who want’s to do that? Not many, let me tell you. That sound’s to most (myself included) about as fun as pulling out hairs one by one. Then there’s the open wounds inside that are still bleeding and still hurt whenever someone gets close to them. How are we supposed to deal with those? Most professional counselors don’t even know. Theofostic has done a great deal for me, but I’m a pretty simple case considering my fairly ‘normal’ upbringing. How do people with abuse/rape deep scarring even go there? To many of these people what happened to them is completely normal behavior, so they choose to repeat it, and the others are so closed off that even the thought of facing into that darkness makes them want to crawl even more inside their shell. This is becoming the norm as ramifications of the sinful nature that we live in, but the church is doing nothing about it. Counseling in most christian facilities is a joke, and the counselors are held to so much ‘political correctness’ that little effectiveness can actually be done. This annoys me and I wish I had the answer.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Ugh and crap.
Got off work at 5:30 friday, jumped a plane to Portland to help Michael move back to Spokane. Drank ‘til 3am, up at 8, packed and loaded the Uhaul (hungover) until 7pm, then made the 370 mile drive home, arriving just before 3am Sunday morning. Crashed with Michael and Sampson in the basement for 7 hours, then got up and drove to Deer Park where we unloaded the Uhaul into the storage unit. THIS has been my weekend so far. I am sore and exhausted, but glad to have my boys back in town.
I did, however, realize how happy I am that I travel light. It feels liberating to think that all I own fits into 4 rubbermaid bins versus a 20 foot Uhaul. I don’t think I will ever be at a point of this material simplicity again. After all, accumulate IS what we do as time passes. Even though I will probably never travel this light again, this weekend has reinforced in me my need to keep my ‘material’ world in check, and to ask myself if I really NEED something before I buy it. I did buy a new book at the airport before my flight... and I thought long and hard... before making the decision that one can never have too many self help books. :) (I think I have an addiction)
I did, however, realize how happy I am that I travel light. It feels liberating to think that all I own fits into 4 rubbermaid bins versus a 20 foot Uhaul. I don’t think I will ever be at a point of this material simplicity again. After all, accumulate IS what we do as time passes. Even though I will probably never travel this light again, this weekend has reinforced in me my need to keep my ‘material’ world in check, and to ask myself if I really NEED something before I buy it. I did buy a new book at the airport before my flight... and I thought long and hard... before making the decision that one can never have too many self help books. :) (I think I have an addiction)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A slow day
I ran out of Gas today. My gas guage must be a little off. It’s correct for the most part, but just moves around slightly, sometimes giving me the perception of having more gas left than I actually do. I was fortunate enough to be only 10 blocks or so away from Don & Cheryl’s house, so I was back in service in no time.
I need to make time to get Franke in for the fuel lines and tank re-seal soon. I’m getting really tired of 10-12 miles per gallon. While I’m at it I should do the fuel filter and injectors... she sure is a high maintenance girl, but worth every penny.
I just caught up on Danette’s progress on Caring Bridge, which was really encouraging to read. God is answering prayers in her fight with cancer, and I truly believe that total healing in the physical will come alongside healing in the mental and emotional. I love how God rarely just says ‘poof!’ your healed, but instead takes our hand on a journey with him through the mental and emotional ‘cancers’ that are in large part causing the physical to manifest symptoms. God is good.
I need to make time to get Franke in for the fuel lines and tank re-seal soon. I’m getting really tired of 10-12 miles per gallon. While I’m at it I should do the fuel filter and injectors... she sure is a high maintenance girl, but worth every penny.
I just caught up on Danette’s progress on Caring Bridge, which was really encouraging to read. God is answering prayers in her fight with cancer, and I truly believe that total healing in the physical will come alongside healing in the mental and emotional. I love how God rarely just says ‘poof!’ your healed, but instead takes our hand on a journey with him through the mental and emotional ‘cancers’ that are in large part causing the physical to manifest symptoms. God is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
