Lack of rest

I am tired. The last night of deep sleep I’ve had was 6 nights ago. I am sitting in my bed at mom and dads for the last time... and wondering if the thought of leaving in the morning will prevent deep sleep yet again.
I have had the most blessed and love filled send off that anyone could ask for, and one thing I can never doubt is the fact that I am loved by many amazing people. My goodbye party at Tiff and Tony’s was AWESOME. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many chapters of my life all in the same place at the same time. I definitely consider myself a rich man... rich in a way that no amount of money could ever buy.

The level of unpredictability in the coming months has to be the main reason for loosing sleep. I think it must be easier for me to sleep while in a daily routine of simple motions. Knowing what to expect, and knowing 90 percent of what each day will hold in it’s different variations brings much comfort for me. It’s going to be a difficult transition to all the new-ness and question marks of being on the road. And then there’s the deep rooted part of me that wants to know what to expect at the end of all this... will recently opened chapters continue when I return? Will I be back at home? Will I have my old job back? Do I want my old job back? Will I even be the same person? Will I go back to school when I return? Will I return? AARRGGHH. All these damn questions float like meaningful nothingness in the realm outside of my control... Lord, please help me learn to live a day at a time, and help me rest.